by Molly Rose Hilgenberg
In general, many people seem more grim to me—so easily frustrated and depleted by life’s twists and turns. When I think about most people I meet and my circle of friends and family I realize most of us are tied down by the past in some way or another. Family history, relationships, work, money, health, home, grief…many of these ties are from the past are continuing to evolve in the present because we are not aware that we are wearing our past in our bodies. And then there’s other folks I know doing deep work on their own personal growth, carving their own path to self-realization. They tend to be a little more cheerful despite also suffering amidst the doomsday.
I have been working with a Shamanic healer for clearing out my energetic cords tied to family histories and for healing ancestral trauma lines. After these healing sessions, I have become aware that I pass through emotions a lot quicker, and am more vividly aware of my reactions to my emotions. This work promotes a gushing release of deeply rooted patterns, and it reminds me that it is more important than ever to know your own boundaries and when to see where you end and someone else’s shit begins. Being home with family for the holidays this year revealed that to me. Who rules your state of being?
This year one of my intentions is to clearly see others as just people beyond the role of father, mother, sister, brother within the family unit. With this intention, I recognize that they have done the best they could to raise us or grow up with us despite the hand they’ve been dealt. In this recognition, I can release attachment to my own personal story with them, and to know my own story almost like it is learning a new myth. The Ancient Greeks used to act out plays of melodrama so you could experience the myth and relate it to your own story. Joseph Campbell said “Myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths…” This must be why the best teachers remind us that it is so important to know your own story.
Since we are reflecting on darkness, we should consider the metaphysics of darkness. That it exists everywhere, especially within our own selves. I used to suffer bouts of depression so intense, so existential that I wondered why I should keep on living. If we treat our story of the planet earth in the same way, isn’t that basically what being in an apocalyptic state of mind means? One year ago I experienced an awakening through yoga and meditation so profound, so intensely beautiful because I reached a state of pure grounding and awareness of my connection to everything from my spine. I suppose you could call this Kundalini activation. This self-realization helped me see that the ups and the downs are life throwing her patterns of curve balls at us until we figure out how to catch and release without piling more and more history on our shoulders.
We know there is something very beautiful about the mystery in the darkness. And we know that the darkness is not just out in the woods at night, or looking over the ocean, or feeling the disconnect with someone you’ve known forever but they just can’t really see you for who you are now. Because darkness permeates matter, but so does light. It’s why Lord of the Rings and Star Wars and other epic long stories help us remember our own personal galaxies that extend to the limits of the universe. It’s how I learned to make even more space on the inside for the things that continue to happen on the outside.
So remember that the earth is spinning faster, which requires us keep up with time, the cruel mistress. Whether or not the aliens are coming or the world is ending, focus on knowing your story. People are still working and playing, having babies and trying to have a good time… the world goes round, spinning through both the light of our star and within shadows that try to block the beams out.
I hope you enjoy this song I wrote… “Iron Hues” …a little capture of the journey from inside my own private myth.